this little heart of mine

2010-01-05T22:33:00.002+08:00

Seconds, hours, so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait?
Every moment lasts forever
When you feel you lost your way

And what if my chances were already gone?
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
To fight and never walk away

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breath it's harder to believe
You make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries!
There are no boundaries!

I fought to the limit to stand on the edge
What if today is as good it gets?
Don't know where the future's headed
But nothing's gonna bring me down

I've jumped every bridge and I've run every line
I've risked being saved but I always knew why
I always knew why!

So here I am still holding on!

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breath it's harder to believe
You make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can

You can go higher, you can go deeper
There are no boundaries above and beneath you
Break every rule 'cause there's nothing between you and your dreams

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breath it's harder to believe

Yeah! There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries!

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breath it's harder to believe
You make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
There are no boundaries!
There are no boundaries!
There are no boundaries

A beautiful and inspirational song. who says music cannot change the world? one bit at a time :)

2010-01-04T23:44:00.003+08:00

its abt time i revived my blog! hahha
A levels have past. and well a new chapter of my life began long ago. I have been attached to RJC as where i will be hving my teaching experience as part of the Teaching Internship Programme! training starts tml and i am srsly looking forward to it! gona be an awesome teacher (i hope!)

Life has been good so far. i'm learning how to serve God and His people more. Tried to do my part for the cg chalet and to reach out to new friends :) i had an awesome time at the chalet :) managed to get to knw some cg members better; those that i hardly talk to normally. I realised many people have complicated family backgrounds and even broken families... these things i often take forgranted and i really dun feel good abt that. I have learnt the real meaning of loving God's sheep. to love those that i find it hard to love. Just as God promised, this year will be a year of breakthroughs. I wanna bring my faith to a higher level. i wanna be ready for SOT.

2009-07-04T01:33:00.002+08:00

im am so disappointed. i wanted to apply to attend the tea session by MOE regarding the teaching of econs... but when i tried to apply today.... IT WAS ALL FULL!!! ahh!
since the beginning of this year i was quite sure that i wanted to take the path of a teacher. i was attached to MOE in december and well, that really gave me a lot of insight as to how teaching wil be like... i really do hope that my being unable to attend this tea session will not affect my chances of getting an education merit scholarhip from MOE.

Jane told me to trust God. :)

anyway, today, a miracle happened. there was a nagging thought in my head that i needed to study 2 specic bio chapters for bio today before my bio test. (i hadnt finish studying abt 7 topics!) and i believe the Holy Spirit prompted me. and the questions really came out! if i hadnt browsed thru the topics, i wldnt be able to answer the questions! thanks to james as well who reminded me to wake up earlier to study before the exam (sth i dun normally do). hahahaa

it is a miralce. its totally not humanly possible that there was this persistent nagging thought of those 2 topics - carbohydrates and lipids. seriously.

Thank you Jesus!!!

Colossians 3 : 17. everything you do in word or deed. do it ALL in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!!

Can i hear an "Amen" for that?

:)

2009-05-06T23:39:00.002+08:00

when you forgive. u are set free. :) and the blessings of the Lord will come to you.

amen.

im happy :) im free. im taking things easier. :) breakthrough my Lord. thanks to You.

i love the song "This is Our God"

'Your grace is enough, more than I need
At Your word I will believe.
I wait for You, draw near again.
Let Your Spirit make me new.

And I will fall at Your at feet (x2)
I will worship You here...

Your presence in me, Jesus light the way.
By the power of Your Word,
I am restored, I am redeemed.
By Your Spirit I am free.

And I will fall at Your at feet (x2)
I will worship You here...

Freely You gave it all for us,
surrendered Your life upon that cross.
Great is the Love, poured out for all
This is our God.

Lifted on high from death to life,
forever our God is glorified
Servant and King, rescued the world,
This is our God.'

Indeed, God freely gave. He gave unconditionally. He gave sacrificially. How often are we able, as humans, to ignore our own needs and look after the needs of others?
I have drawn closer to God these days. I can hear His voice. and can hear Him telling me that He's always with me. He keeps me sane in this dog-eat-dog world. He brings me comfort when I'm tired. He gives me the the opportunity to expand my capacity. I testify to God's goodness, having experienced it myself.

This is indeed my God. This is OUR God. :)

i love you Jesus :)

2009-05-03T01:36:00.002+08:00

this is it. the Hong Lim park event at speakers' corner is tomorrow and im gona lead the entire thing. Its the biggest project ive ever handled in my entire life. of cos being publicity head is bigger but srsly, how often do you get to organise a public event?

i remember that at the start of the year,God told me that He will have a lot in store for me this year. and He was right. as usual. haha. indeed, this is a very eventful year. with a lot of pain, mostly pain, but some joys too. :)

im in a state of confusion. but my good friend told me, just heck luh. until after As. yep thats a good idea. ive no time to predict or read the minds of others and try to figure out what exactly they want. i might end up becoming schizo myself. cos i dont even know what I want.

but one think i know i want is to score for econs. its really difficult. the recent micro econs essay test was bad for me... but it can only get better i guess! just love to see the way things that are explained in theory can happen in reality; and how they dont sometimes :)

i love my cg. Though the demographics has changed a little; its getting younger and all, but i thank God for the support i get from some of them. :) a few are coming down to support me at Hong Lim tomorrow. :)

some things last while others dont. we just gotta make the right investment. :) and as long as the peace of God remains, im pretty sure its the right decision :)

ALL THE WAY!

AMEN :)

2009-05-01T00:46:00.002+08:00

recently, ive been quite into David Archuletta's debut album! It reminds me of the times when i was obsessed with Lee Ryan and Blue. haha. those days...

life hasnt been easy. ive been struggling with many things. not just academics. about my character, my relationships with people and my decisions.

Isaiah 40:31. I will soar like an eagle. God, You will help me fly. Fly above my problems, to reach my destiny.

2009-04-27T00:23:00.002+08:00

Shiao yen told me recently, "you just gotta block it out and choose not to get emo about it tho you may just want to sometimes"

so true, so true.. haha

i feel a lot better.

but it doesnt help that i hvnt mugged for my bio spa on tues. and tht i will be home late tml. i tried so hard to mug just now. nothing. abosolutely nothing could go into my head. HAIZ! annoying right? yes. O.o

i thank God for the opportunoity to touch the heart of 2 of my friends this week just by being there for them. :) thank God for e opportunity to serve Him tho im no longer making birthday cards in cg.

i will make an effort to make e426 more bonded. im not gona let Lucifer... the annoying pain-in-the-butt devil destroy my cell group. we will become more united.

my sources of strength have changed over this half a year. perhaps it has reduced in size. but now i realise. it has not. yes i am not relying on some people now cos of the distance that was intentionally/unintentionally created, but God's grace and love is sufficient. and i thank God i have a true friendship with jane that can stand the storms of this world.

ive had better days than today. cos today wasnt as productive as i had wanted it to be. but oh well... just gotta pick myself up.

i bought David Archuletta's cd! haha it has been a very VERY long time since i last spent money on a cd at all. so im quite happy.

recently i found out that there are people in the world that like the band Blue too! tho they have disbanded alrdy, i still like their songs. just that i dun express it as much as i did last time. haha. my friend used to call me aLEEcia cos i loved lee ryan frm blue. :)

hahaa oh wells. gtg! till next time. this week is gona be a tough week. i just know it. but i just know i will live through it. :)

2009-04-19T17:02:00.002+08:00

pastor ended his series on love and relationships today. his sermons centred around marriage but today, something he said struck me and i teared.

it goes something like this "let God take away all your bitterness, all your hurt that you may have experienced in past relationships (be it friendships or other forms of relationships)."

As much as i have let go, meaning stop getting angry or upset, i admit that i hv not been able to remove the deep-seeded hurt inside my heart. i have not forgotten. and yes i am still bitter just that i choose not to think about it.

things seem to end this way quite often. for me at least. after going thru so many months of uncertainty, ive realised that i should really listen to God's voice more. there was a lack of peace in my heart when it started. a peace i have now, now that that chapter of my life has closed.

somethings i found out recently reopened the wound and i started to feel quite cheated and angry. thats why when pastor told us to fight for our relationships and in this my case friendships, i teared cos i know i have long ago given up. but is it wrong Lord? is it wrong to give up when you already see no use in pursuing any friendship whatsoever. is it wrong to give up when you feel cheated by that person? must i still fight for something i'd probably be doing not cos i want to but cos God would like me to?

im not sure...

what i do know is that these days, my life is been very routine and very hectic. as i struggle to maintain a balance between being a good student and a good friend and even a good Christian, i find myself fumbling.

still i am glad. i am glad God made me realise that i made a mistake from the start when i did not listen to Him. i am suffering the consequences now. but at least i have learnt. i have learnt to look beyond superficial things like chemistry and telepathy to character and principles.

im getting to know more people i wouldnt have known if that chapter of my life didnt close. God, indeed, what You told me that certain people enter your life to teach you the ways of God (tho indirectly) indeed came true. i thank you Lord for the experience. I thank you even more Lord that it is over. I thank you Lord that I have so many other things to live for. and I thank you Lord for the courage to be able to voice all these out in this post, irregardless of what people may say :)

thank you Lord :)

2009-04-04T02:14:00.002+08:00

God, you have been good. and I shall remain optimistic though You have allowed many difficulties to come my way. Being the publicity head of RCLF isnt easy.

God, i shall not focus on recognition anymore. I shall focus on glorifying you. You have given me a task i have absolutely to experience in handling. but i believe i will grow stronger through this.

BY FAITH. i am not alone.
BY FAITH, the mountain in my life will move
BY FAITH, i will still score my straight As for A levels even though i cannot dedicate a lot of time to my studies now

BY FAITH. I will overcome any hatred, any dislike and love people the way You do

2009-03-30T01:05:00.001+08:00

beyond hope? sometimes there comes a point when u feel that any effort to salvage any situation seems useless.

move on man.

yep its long overdue

2009-03-08T01:44:00.002+08:00

I believe in the power of Your name
I believe in the promise of faith
I believe in the love of a God

Speaking to this mountain, to move into the ocean
With Your authority, given to me
No matter what happens, here I am standing
On the hope of Your word, promised to me

if my seniors can get their straight As, so can I, but only through God. :)

2009-03-03T00:34:00.004+08:00

when you feel like giving up on everything.

when you wonder why things have turned out as such

when all the effort placed has gone to waste

when you feel that the world is crashing

when you feel that you wont do well for ur CTs no matter what other people may say

when you get annoyed by people for no valid reason at all

when you no longer care about the person who used to mean so much

when its mutual

when everyone seems to be going full-stream ahead

when you feel like a loser

when you have no direction in your life

when you have to put up a strong front despite all these

when you really want to give up...

When you feel just the way i do now...

2009-02-28T13:38:00.003+08:00

im glad i went for cell grp yesterday. we sang a song called There is A Place in Your Heart. it went "there is a place in Your heart i am longing to find. wont You show me. there is a place in Your heart i know i can run to and hide.wont You show me. show me (x2) show me Your Heart." God revealed Himself so real to me yestreday. I could really see Him in front of me and He showed me His nail-pieced hands. He didnt say much but I cried.

this few weeks have been very trying. as i see my friendships with others improving and some just breaking apart into pieces. theres a time for everything. its all part of His plan. sometimes i wonder why is it i seem to trust people more than i trust God. judging by the fact that i rely on my own strength so many times especially when it comes to studies. God has never let me down. Hes the One i should least doubt.

wanna thank the people who have been there for me throughout this period of time. the people who chose to care even though it was inconvenient. thanks jane, jonovan and weilin. i guess thats how you become the salt and light of the world. by caring when others dont.

its time for me to care more about others. friendship should not just be focused on what your friend can do for you but what you can do for them. its something irrational... emotions are irrational. but sometimes, they just have to take precedence.

RCLF publicity is taking a toll on me. so is jc life. A levels seems so important. after all, its gona determine my job.

God told me, not to be discouraged. its true. ive been very discouraged these days. especially since the amount of effort i have put into publicity seemed to hv come to naught.

All things happen for a reason.

the Lord will be my CONFIDENCE. (proverbs)

2009-02-19T23:05:00.001+08:00

if only people could just show a little more concern.

im overworked.

2009-02-13T16:21:00.002+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :)
today was a good day with lots of chocolate (though it isnt my favourite type of food XD)
I just wanna thank all the people who took the effort to make this day so great for everyone. :) they include
- my cca chairperson Charles
- Kelly
- Ngan the koala
- Jia Ying the salad queen
- Zheng Pei my bike buddy!!!!
- Jane my bestie!
- Troy the himbo
- Sam my old friend from back in sec 1 :)
- Amy my good friend :)
- Michelle, my future general practitioner
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, MY CT MR CHAN!!! who made a flower shaped balloon caricature for each one of us. it totally made my day :)
one thing ive learnt from Mr Chan today is that a teacher doesnt just teach, he makes the effort to love. you can love someone from the inside, but it counts for naught if no action is taken.

do you speak ur friends' love language? my brother told me that the top 2 love language for girls are physical touch and perhaps acts of service. well at least i know mine is acts of service :)

this valentines' day means so much cos i got a chance to appreciate my friends for who they are and i was in turn appreciated by them :) which is really a sweet feeling.

thanks everyone for making this day great :)

Love you guys!

2009-02-07T23:57:00.004+08:00

God told me to really let go... i wonder how many times He has told me that but ive never been able to 100% do it. Satan keeps attacking me. he really doesnt makes things easy for me. and the voice of the Holy Spirit is just so soft compared to the voices i hear from Satan. i just gotta choose who to listen to.

Dont look back... look forward. thats what i gotta do. yes it can be quite annoying that people can move on faster than you, but its not abt what they can do now. its about what i have to do.

how does it feel to know that people dont care? i wonder if you ever felt that way. cos i have. and i still do. cos its a fact. no human cares more about you than yourself. and its understandable. but God, cares for everyone of us.

one thing that i feel is very important was mentioned once by my cgl. never be too busy for your friends. especially when they come up and look for you for encouragement. and they need not be sad to need encouragement. cos each time you turn down a conversation, especially in such situations, you unknowingly shut a door between you and your friend. and i wonder how many doors there are left before an impenetrable wall is forged. my goal this year is to keep the doors connecting me to my friends open. i will make the effort to uplift, to encourage, to spend time with people. i will not let others feel what ive been feeling since the start of this year.

never be too busy for a friend. cos God was never too busy for you. :)

of course, we need to study for exams. there may be situations in which we simply cannot put our work down... in such situations, i hope i will make the effort to get back to the person. especially since this year its the A levels.

i need to let go of the stifling thought that no one cares. cos it isnt important anymore. cos what matters is that I care. and i believe, as long as one person cares in this world, God can still move. :)

Dear Lord, will you help me care more about others. will you help me let go of the past even though it seems to stare right at my face everyday. Thank you for reminding me that in You, ALL things are new.
In Jesus' name,
Amen :)

hallelujah

2009-02-02T16:33:00.003+08:00

Praise Jesus. I managed to run 4 rounds the track today without feeling like vomiting. :) seems like i will be able to take 2.4km run. duno if thats a good thing or a bad thing. thank God for peace. thank God for my friend Shiao who prays for me. thank God for Jane who never forgets me. thank God for my parents though at times they do nag. thank God that i understand macroecons. thank God that i can concentrate better in class now. thank God for being all powerful, for never forsaking me even though i was spiritually dry. Thank you for reminding me when ive done wrong and thank you for the joy of the Lord i experienced today.

i pray for greater strength, greater capacity and greater joy. that i will not crave for attention but be satisfied with what i have. i pray that i will become more secure and confident in my capabilities and in who i am in Christ. I'm God's princess! :)

Praise be to the King, my El Shaddai, God of more than enough :)

2009-02-01T17:56:00.007+08:00

was visiting Mr Chan's blog and got interested in bio videos!
Heres one on Transformation, Transduction and Conjugation
though im not sure if the conjugation part is right cos it says the genetic information is transfered via the sex pilus when it shld be the cytoplasmic mating bridge. O.o

Genetic Transfer Part 1

Genetic Transfer Part 2

Genetic Transfer Part 3: on how it can cause virus infection and how it also helps as a form of cure (genetic engineering)

Genetic Transfer Part 4

yups :) if u do take a look, do tell me!

2009-01-29T00:03:00.002+08:00

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. ~~Difficult to fathom and to be understood~~. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others ~~physically~~ and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally (i try to). ~~Strong~~ Moderate sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No Some difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone (at times). Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person.~~Waits for friends. Never looks for friends~~. Not aggressive unless provoked. ~~Prone to having stomach and dieting problems.~~ Loves to be loved. Easily hurt ~~but takes long to recover.~~

2009-01-15T19:11:00.002+08:00

im so worn out.
and a little discouraged.
but its only the 4th day of school.

2009-01-09T23:58:00.002+08:00

The road is long
The valley's deep
The ocean's wide in front of me

But God saved the day
Jesus, You're the way
The Truth the Light
The Hope for all mankind

I've nothing much to say today. just that this song makes sense. :)
my road is long... for As. my valley is deep for other stuff which seemingly cant be solved. and well the ocean... wide in front of me. something i seemingly cant cross without going thru the deep waters. but God. He saved the day. so i have victory in Christ. I have done nothing significant enough to deserve this. and yet He gave.

This year, gona rely more on God, less on people.

Econs tution e entire week wore me out. Really tired. and kinda confused with all the macroeconomic diagrams. felt quite at a loss today since i didnt totally understand stuff. man i bet im gona feel this way a lot this year. just gotta stand strong i guess. Weilin said, "must know how to prioritise." yup. God over studies. Studies over all. of cos not forgetting my friends.

Who do u wanna keep after JC. who will you seriously make an effort to keep in contact with even when you are in different continents? I figured that the most important person would be Jesus. Recently, i realised that i lose all strength when i spend less time with Him, when i stop praying.

Thank you Jesus. for everything. its in adversities that i draw closer to You. so this year, I definitely will

2009-01-08T23:17:00.003+08:00

peace :) let go and let God. did quiet time today. God told me "I love you". it was quite amazing. i was just writing in my journal. i took up my pen... n just kept writing what God was telling me. I really wonder what I would do if I lost my connection with God. throughout this time, He's always been there when I pray. He says, "Be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world" :)

man im really sleepy. this is probably one of my last few blog posts. soon it wont be as frequent. so i shall post my wishes this 2009.

1. to improve in econs. to like Econs and love it more each day
2. to be a better and more caring daughter
3. to get the max. no. of As for A levels.
4. to be more optimistic. to encourage. to teach with sincerity
5. to be willing to help others even tho it may be a little inconvenient
6. to build my faith
7. to form long lasting friendships that will last after JC. :)
8. to make it into the university of my choice... (which uni i shall not reveal) :)
9. to love life. to smile and to make others smile.
10.to be the best leader i can be
11. most importantly, to love God more each day :) and do everythn to glorify His name :) credit for my achievements goes to Him :)

One Life, One Love for Christ :)

till next time :)

2009-01-07T00:05:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking... is business a valid reason for one to forget friends and family... to forget things that will seemingly always be there.

This year i will be taking my As. and i know for sure, i wouldnt have the time to go out with a lot of ppl, with my cell grp, or even for a proper meal with my family. But is that a good reason to turn a cold shoulder to em...

Perhaps I have done that during my promotional exam period... and even occasionally during the holidays when i just forget. its human i guess. but i remember getting an sms from a friend when everyone was seemingly busy. and it mattered a lot. she brightened my day. She sent me 3 words "God loves you". It was wow. and it means more than "I love you", those 3 words alrdy incorporated her sisterly love for me :) i guess, its when you receive a greeting from a friend when you least expect it that makes the greeting so much more significant.

which reminds me... it was when the world was dark that God sent Jesus as the only way. thats wad makes Him significant. He cared when others didnt.

Question is.. do I care enough to ask or greet. I want to. and this year. things will be different. :)

2009-01-03T14:12:00.003+08:00

oooooh the new year is here... so soon. I spent the eve at home. was practically teleporting from vivocity to marinabay (or channel 8 to channel 5) haha. come to think of it, it was quite hilarious. i had my laptop in front of me. my tv in front of my laptop in front of me (the tv was a reasonable distance away of course, so i wont go blind. haha) n i was alone at home. my WHOLE family was out. my parents with their cell grp at watch night service at their church. my bro with his cg. and me..at home with my laptop. talking to jianhong, jonovan and some other random ppl on msn. i duno whether or not u consider that kinda celebration sad. haha. but i know i did escape all the crowds! i really dislike crowds. chinatown is the last place i will go to during cny. and bugis street is the last place i will go to no matter when. lol.

last night, we had class chalet. i wasnt really in the mood for it. i was kinda uneasy. felt outta place. mayb cos i havent seen a lot of them in a while... or i just wasnt used to them, after being at home (and not in class/school) for so long. mayb i was just tired. or mayb, i just didnt feel like trying to tell jokes.sometimes, i try to tell jokes to lighten e mood or liven things up... somehow... something tells me im losing the fire. ultimately i get laughed at...yes...its ok actually. if it makes ppl happy, y not? oh well. mayb this is just a phase for me. getting a little sensitive when ppl suan. like how i did when i was trying to teach troy how to play bridge but failed terribly and caused him to lose cos i wasnt v good at the game. but of course i dun blame my friends. :) its just something ive been thinking abt these days. like why do i even try to make a fool of myself or sometimes i just do so naturally. i guess ppl all make mistakes. even stupid ones. n mayb we just happen to rmb what we ourselves did wrong. mayb tts y it feels as tho you've done so much wrong. so when u feel that you've made so many mistakes..even the little ones, u just wanna shut up and not say or do anythn anymore. yup.. i think ive been feeling discouraged. thats the word for it.

today... i kinda felt a little lousy abt myself too. it just builds on... i think i need some encouragement mayb from myself. was leading praise and worship for the girls brigade open house meeting today. the slides kinda got messed up... feel v bad abt it. i did put quite a bit of effort into preparing for it. so yyup... disappointed at myself. i think i need to tell a friend all these things that are happening. ive been keeping everythn inside... its been like that for a while. used to tell a few people my problems. now i hardly even say anythn to anyone other than jane... and to her i alrdy dun tell everything.

thats y quiet time helps. i guess thats e only time i can refresh myself.

i am fearfully and wonderfully made. thats wad God says. its frm Psalm 139:14. my favourite verse. Jesus makes room for all of us to fall. even though we may be walking thru the valley of the shadow of death, we need not fear... i think its true that no one really feels secure 100% of the time. and God allows Satan to put lies into your head so as to train you. and see the way you react. to train you and wait for you to make the right choice one day. when you feel that you're not good enuf, you letting Satan get to you. and i did. im glad jane reminded me not to. :)

no one shld ever tell you that you are lousy. and no one can let you feel that way except yourself. :)

i figured that if you dont even trust yourself...its likely you cant do things well. i think... im still struggling w that. i cant trust myself to do things right sometimes. and wad makes things worse sometimes is that when u finally gathered e courage to do sth... you make a mistake and pooosh ur confidence gets crushed.

For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken. - prov 3:26...

Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward - Heb 10:35

e bible seems to have an answer for everythn. :) i just need to learn to apply.

i shall end for now. :)

2008-12-31T00:48:00.004+08:00

oh well...caught the flu. runny nose. -sniffs-

Its 31st December 2008! Never did i expect this day to come so soon. A lot of things have happened this year. New friendships, some lost ever so swiftly. New aspirations, new dreams, and new mindsets.
God has brought me far from where I was on the 31st of December 2007. I have been through a lot of joys and tears, too many to mention and perhaps remember in detail.
Some things may forever be etched in my memory...

Any regrets for this year? Definitely. Certain things could have been handled better to lessen the consequent pain. But without these, I believe I will not learn to handle things better. Since last year, I've wanted to be a cell group leader. I wouldnt say that the passion for it is buring as much as it was back then, but I know its still my desire. Ever since I declared that to God and my cell group friends, I guess, God has decided that I would need a lot of moulding. Perhaps that is why I went through so much this year. From finding out what I really want and what God wants for me, to fighting pragmatism against emotions. I could have been a better daughter, a better friend, a better good friend and a better Christian. I guess we are all on a journey and we gotta learn to forgive people and ourselves.

Any things worth celebrating abt this year? Yep...
I discovered some of my God-given gifts this year. I hope that after As, I might be able to pursue graphic design and stuff like that. I wanna be part of the church choir after As. :) Theres so much more to learn. I thank God for good friends, especially Jane. It takes effort for a friendship to be sustained and effort is needed especially when you are busy and find it hard to remember your friend and her needs. Thanks Jane, for remembering me. I hope I have not and will not forget you in your time of need. I am less stressed this year compared to 2007. Have I slackened? Im not sure. But if I have, I guess its only healthy for me to let up a bit. :) dont you agree?

Made a lot of decisions this year. Who doesnt yea? I tried to be adventurous and plan a Christmas party for my class, which of course wldnt happen without the help of the other ppl in my class. :) and other little things like taking more initiative at home.

Next yr is gona be tough. A levels... no joke. Everyone is getting worried and i get worried along with them. Are we overreacting? God says, why worry abt tomorrow, sufficient for today is its own worries. I guess, we just need to start working. :) Aim high but dont forget to prepare a safety net :)

Oh well, I hope I get well before year 2009! Till next time :)

2008-12-28T22:04:00.002+08:00

Fear.

I'm ridden with fear. Fear of the 2.4km run approaching like a hungry tiger ready to swallow me whole. It's one of the biggest fears in my life. I really do not know why. I can do the other items reasonably well, i just cant do long distance. I do train. But i fear training. Somehow, i always feel like vomitting when im running my 4th round or so, or if i run too fast, i feel nauseous again. What's wrong with me?!

I really need help. I dont know how. I cant believe I managed to do it this yr. Now, it seems to be mission impossible. I need a miracle.

I cant believe I'm stressed during the holidays. RCLF, 2.4...As...studies in general... I really pray that I do not burn out next year.

I'm feeling sick now. Muscles aching weirdly. feeling v tired. n my throat feels funny. I really feel I cant go on. But I know I must.

I feel like crying. Really dont understand why I seem to be one of the few people with this problem, this phobia. and well few ppl understand how i feel. I feel like screaming... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

someone save me from 2.4km run... I know next time when I look back, im gona laugh at my stupidity. but nows now... my last 2.4km run.

I stand in awe

2008-12-15T23:57:00.002+08:00

I Stand in Awe

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BEYOND DESCRIPTION
TOO MARVELOUS FOR WORDS
TOO WONDERFUL FOR COMPREHENSION
LIKE NOTHING EVER SEEN OR HEARD
WHO CAN GRASP YOUR INFINITE WISDOM
WHO CAN FATHOM THE DEPTH OF YOUR LOVE
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BEYOND DESCRIPTION
MAJESTY ENTHRONE ABOVE

AND I STAND, I STAND IN AWE OF YOU
I STAND, I STAND IN AWE OF YOU
HOLY GOD TO WHOM ALL PRAISE IS DUE
I STAND IN AWE OF YOU

Lovely song isnt it? :) indeed who can understand how deep Your love is for us. Perhaps it is for that reason that we can never come close to reciprocating that same amount of love for You.

I feel liberated. I feel great. I've never felt this much peace in a long time. It was a right choice. :) thank you Jesus.

Today, i managed to go downstairs to start my running... to train for 2.4km and im glad i actually woke up at 7am. haah. oh well. ive finally gathered e pace of doing school work... everythn seems to be going well. thank God :)

btw... understatement... but TWILIGHT ROCKS. edward is such an enchanting character! :) spent 6hrs reading and still nt done. haha. oh welll... :)

nites!

2008-12-12T00:06:00.003+08:00

ive learnt so much today.

i'm finally learning how to be a leader. this i wasnt aware until someone praised me today. and i wanna thank him for that cos its great motivation and reassurance that im doing things right for my publicity committee and the entire rclf. :)
thanks charles :) these little words of encouragement can really do wonders. especially after you are so tired of the heavy workload.

im learning things that many leaders will say DUH.. to but oh well, its never too late yea?

ive learnt to be humble and accept that other people may have better ideas than i do. ive learnt to give praises generously but with reason of cos. ive learnt to acknowledge the strengths and resources others have so that i can make a team work more efficiently. ive learnt the importance of being prepared to faciliate discussions and meetings. i used to think agendas were silly hahaa. ive so much to learn from each of my pubs members :) they are a good and cooperative team :) and we're pretty focused, so meetings go well :) ive learnt that members of a team should always be recognised for their hard work and their contributions, and that it is bad to steal the limelight for yourself. in other words, give credit only when credit is due.

im enjoying the process more and more. and as i see us coming up with ideas and working together, im feel a sense of fulfillment :) really glad that im doing something other than mugging my head off this hols :)

Thank you my Heavenly Father :)

signing off!

2008-12-11T15:55:00.002+08:00

oh boy... finally completed my gift for my leader. think its looks not too bad! :) today somehow i woke up with much lethargy. i wanna slp! but oh well... need to get work done!! theres rclf meeting on msn tonight! >< gotta get our publicity act together!!

i gotta get my act together!

go girl!

2008-12-11T00:03:00.002+08:00

a normal day :)
i woke up, did some homework... did my quiet time :) i had a peaceful time today. so much has happened over the past few weeks that i really appreciated the brakes that were pulled recently. i guess a phase of my life has passed and im moving on to something new that God has planned for me to go thru. and during this transition, its a bit less eventful and mild. so mayb thats y im a bit sianned. but well.. i do need this time to re-prioritise. :)

i have found new motivation to strive harder. its really not for anyone but God. If an idea isnt ridiculous, why have it? I am aiming to get into Cambridge. A tall order yes... but I want to shine for God in my studies and i do hope i can do well enough :) i will try my best tho. im gona try my utmost best to ensure that RCLF works.

God spoke to me about confidence and surprisingly thru myself, when i was talking abt it to a friend. Confidence, true confidence doesnt come from the no. of people who love or accept u but in knowing that you are a Child of God and are treasured so much. theres only one me. and heaven rejoiced when i turned to Christ. thats how special each of us are. :)I need to know the kinda person i am...my strengths and my weaknesses. and i roughly have an idea. :) so when i get criticised for something that i knw i am not guilty of, i will not get too affected. i will learn to filter comments and criticisms :)

i feel God speaking through me very often recently. i say things that i never expected to say to people. things that enlighten myself even. Glory to God. really. but i wanna thank God for leading my path. for never failing to be by my side and be with me when i run out of tears and even when i have joy in me :)

My Life, Your Song

Bridge:
In all my life, Be Glorified
With Christ in me, No longer I

Part of a Verse:
Nothing in this world, can take me away from You
Our love goes on and on...

2008-12-08T19:40:00.003+08:00

something i did in abt 5 mins when i was fiddling w adobe photoshop. thanks to shiao for e original photo of the trees. its really pretty!

oh well. life is starting! im back to doing work for next year. but of cos. this time, im gona play hard too!

2008-12-06T16:30:00.002+08:00

im back home :) its great to be back after 2 weeks away from home. i really missed most of the things back home and my parents more than i nornally do.

i thoroughly enjoyed my trip. it was filled with many struggles but it had an equal amount of joys :)

i managed to sort out my thoughts on many things. and even tho it might take some effort on my part, i have decided that i will do it. sometimes, mind over heart shld be practiced.

im casting my net further in many areas of my life. for instance, im considering studying in Australia next time :) that place is really much more relaxed and you really get to enjoy the lush green scenery especially in the suburbs. Australians are terribly nice people too :) they are extremely polite and kind. im casting my net further ... not gonna restrict myself to any particular path. God holds many opportunities for me :) i shall not jail myself :)

sometimes u think that a particular route you have chosen is the best one or you may think that you wont get anything better or u dont deserve better. God wants us to be the head and not the tail. to be above and not beneath :) As a Child of God. i deserve much more. i shall explore the other opportunities God has in store for me. I'm really glad this trip helped in broaden my horizons in so many ways. i guess sometimes its the life lessons you learn on study trips that matter most :)

i have loads of stuff to do. which i will get down to doing after this.
RCLF, Christmas party, School work. :)

Everything shall be done with the joy of the Lord. for that is my strength :)

God spoke to me a lot during the trip. He told me to focus on Him. and i did. when i did, all my insecurities fled me. all the fears i had became small. even though as the day passes, my confidence may fade, i will make sure that i recharge during quiet time again :) God makes all things new :)

amen

2008-12-03T21:01:00.002+08:00

good day i had :) went to the wildlife park! saw a lot of cute cute animals! :)

i touched e belly of wombat! and i fed kangaroossss :) they were so adorable! i managed to get some nice pictures :)

today is the 2nd last night here. kinda missing home and kinda dun wanna go home...

oh wells. shall go to the lounge and play with the rest :)

2008-11-23T19:57:00.002+08:00

in australia now.

i wouldnt say im extremely happy. a tinge of disappointment tho. n yea since i will be having a room to myself. theres lot of time to ponder over life and the decisions i have made the past year or so... which is good :)

tomorrow lessons start. will be having bridge sessions with the other 3L girls later :)

perth is really peaceful.

a time when i just wanna let go and let God.

Perhaps the only unconditional and stable kind of love comes from Him. Friends come and go. but God is never fickle or uncaring. He's my unfailing love :)
Looking forward to quiet time later :)
Hope the ppl in Singapore are doing well. :)

2008-11-20T01:31:00.001+08:00

a timely reminder by a good friend. "Guard your heart."

thanks weilin. I will remember to do that :)

man... that really helped :)

2008-11-20T01:06:00.003+08:00

some thoughts i had today.

its really not fun to get suanned throughout the entire day. sometimes when i try to crack jokes its really to make things interesting for others. n well... i guess too much suanning hurts. im not your clown you know. i just wanna stop trying.

i was honestly unhappy that i had to enter the overflow room despite the fact that i reached expo super early. but tts partly my fault.

i learnt that the presence of God is everywhere. you need to seek it. even in the overflow room it can be strong.

i learnt that i cannot tolerate this ("this" i will not explicitly state). i cringe when it happens. and it seems like we are on par now. kinda have the same importance and standing.things are coming from one side. feels tt way. oh well.

well... thats not important. or at least i try not to think abt it anymore. when im on the mrt alone, riding frm expo to bishan. such a long ride. can really drive u nuts sometimes esp when ure alone. gives me a lot of time to think.

God says I am His child and I am to find confidence in Him. that only Him i trust cos ppl tend to disappoint. n its nt entirely their fault. cos you set expectations on them.

Dear God, very honestly, i dont want to get used to this. I know You said my life will be very eventful the day i said that i wanted to be a cell group leader. but seriously... i rather i din know some people or din cross paths... so all these wouldnt happen and all the feelings like fear and anxiety wont exist cos of them. But then again. not my will but Yours be done. I thank You for being my kleenex when all other brands fail. im learning to put You first so that i wouldnt even need to depend on others. and get so affected by what they do. its not their fault. partly mine. I believe You're my Healer. :)

2008-11-12T15:25:00.004+08:00

had the sudden urge to post my adobe creations!

2008-11-08T22:28:00.002+08:00

tired... honestly, ignorance is bliss... sometimes.

sometimes u just wanna avoid the consequences yea? i regret saying certain things to ppl. cos stuff has changed i guess. am i insensitive? i admit that i am at times. im still trying to work on that aspect.

my eyes are tired from the overflowing again... i guess self realisation is something everyone has to go through now and then... but i guess i never fail to cry when that happens to me.

i feel horrid. but i know i have to pick myself up... is this something God has planned for me to go through? i really havent thought of it that way... not in this area. but i know He would never give me something i cannot handle.

im gonna learn... i guess one important part of growing up is to not be afraid of learning. you may ask..how difficult can learning get? isnt it just absorbing...? well...today ive learnt that the process of learning involves a few crucial steps.

1. humbling yourself
2. admitting that you are wrong
3. applying what you have learnt.

self-actualisation makes me cry all the time... cos i knw that i am indeed a person with many flaws (i have strengths too...but its nt the point here) and how ugly a human being can be...

but God saved the day. and He will continue to save my days :)

2008-11-06T23:42:00.002+08:00

im tired. like sleepy n sianned kinda tired. God is really putting me to the test. after promos, this is the other test im gona face.

theres so much i want to say...

oh well...

time really flies... the memories are coming back... new ones are forming...

anyway.. it hurts when you practice double standards. so could u please stop.

2008-11-04T14:07:00.002+08:00

i'm happy today. its about time rite? haha :)

I guess being happy sometimes isnt natural but we all gotta make an effort to be happy. I think that the things happening around me really affect my mood very easily. Just cant stare and be nonchalant abt the stuff thats happening.

Some food for thought, what is the first question that comes across your mind when somethings happens.

1. why is it happening, is there anyway i can help
2. how does it affect ME.

i guess its quite obvious which is the self centred question. i believe that its natural for being to think of the second question. i vaguely remember my cell grp leader telling me abt this before. and i was reminded again yesterday.

oh well... everyday's a day for change.

tomorrow is pw day. its the last time im gona be saying my script. im gona do well!!! i'll be fine. my grp will get an A! AMEN!

gona pray to God for a peace of mind :)

the joy of the Lord is my strength. I really gotta remember and BELIEVE in that. that even when im insecure, unconfident and pessimistic abt the future or even myself, i need to remember

1. i am a Child of God, no weapon that forms against me shall prosper so long as i am doing His will
2. i am fearfully and wonderfully made

2008-11-03T00:55:00.001+08:00

i dont deserve this. im sick of it. i mean, im a feeling human after all. im gonna shut up from now on. man!!

better now

2008-10-30T10:31:00.002+08:00

things are better now... apologise for my outburst.

had a really busy day yesterday...frm sch to cca to moe to rach's place to jane's place. i was tired but happy i guess :)

had a good time swimming with rachel, too bad deb had to leave early. i guess i needed time off the land lol.jane was playing frets on fire at rach's place... shes quite good really :) hahaha. so we 3 just spent some quality time together. it was quite cool overall.

went to jane's place... had a long heart to heart chat w her over dinner. i think post promo period really rocks.it is usually after exams that i start to consider how to get my life sorted out. the little things that i would normally sweep under the carpet when studies seem to take priority. should i even do that?

oh well... im getting inertia..dun really wanna start doing work when perhaps i should..next year is really gona be no joke...

i have resolved to stop typing wth and shit in my msn convos. lol i just read my past convos and i felt they sounded really crude. so...time for a change i guess.

a normal day... going to school later. lets see how things go yea.
may the joy of the Lord be with me wherever i go.

not so happy

2008-10-28T22:59:00.002+08:00

today...
is it just teenage angst? i really duno. sometimes i wish i could just skip this stage altogether. you probably hv no idea wad im talking abt or wad im gona talk abt, but bear with me yea.

i duno if i regret it at all...making that decision...stepping into the unknown. many opinions, many choices, many routes, all leading to the same or different outcome?

is it worth all the trouble? all the emotions, all the pain...all the concern, all the fears, all the effort?

if only i could read minds. so i know what on earth is going thru your mind. if only you could read my mind. if only you people could read my mind, to understand how im trying my best to be the person that i should be and all the struggles i go through trying to find a balance in things.

perhaps im just attention seeking yea... im not sure...

ever felt that you are the one whos giving the most, only to be greeted with indifference? or at least less than the attention/care you deserve? sometimes i feel that i care more...

ok this is really emo. i just gotta let it out. no matter how unreasonable it may be.

so... just a v sianned day today. even though i generally had fun since its almost the last day of school. it was relaxing i guess.

so many eyes. just looking... you really never know wad people think of you behind that smile. then again...how do u please the whole world. so do u choose people to please? well... God says...do not place your confidence in man but in God. tts true... :)

haiz... just one of the more emo days for me. i will be fine tomorrow i guess. will be having sleepover at jane's place :) gonna pray later.

till next time

disappointments

2008-10-24T22:30:00.002+08:00

handling disappointments. not as easy as it seems. especially so for me. cos when im sad, its written all over my face. is this a strength or a flaw? i really dun knw. i mean, its the way i release my stress n sadness. if u ask me to stop doing that now, i might just crash due to the accumulation of feelings.

i'd like to be a reliable person, someone you can count on for prayers, someone you can count on to be concerned abt the little things you are going thru when the world just walks by. tts cos, i would like others to do the same to me too i guess. im glad God has blessed me with a few guardian angels whom i will not name here but i hope they know who they are.

After taking the Myers-Briggs' personality test, i discovered that im an ESFJ. Heres wad a website says.

"ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care."

its quite true, the part about they are hurt by indifference. I dont know about the part abt being giving,warm energetic. i guess my good character traits are for my friends to say. But i really do need to feel apprecitated i realised. lol. I just feel a need for my people to acknowledge that i am there. attention-seeking? perhaps. I truly feel very dejected when I feel that people are indifferent towards me, not caring about what i say etc.

"An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren't any."

This, is also EXTREMELY TRUE. Jane would know. after all the things ive told her regarding my relationship with my friends. i do need to work on my security. God gives security. He told me. Place confidence in God, not man. and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He died for me, what else wouldnt He do for me?

the website concluded saying "ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family." Haha, I really hope thats true! This personality test actually helped me understand myself better and helped me see some of the strengths i never knew i had before. I want to thank God for these strengths, and i pray that i will have the wisdom to use them wisely :)

till next time. :)

Living in the 4th Dimension

2008-10-20T01:11:00.003+08:00

I will be positive. I will from now on, change my mindset. No weapon that forms against me shall prosper, for I know that God has a destiny for me. He has plans for me to prosper not to crumble.

I will smile. I will not frown when I don't understand vectors.
I will acknowledge that I am smart.
I will accept compliments with humility, but not with false humility.
I will not doubt myself, my friends, my good friends and most importantly, God.
I will love what I do and do everything with joy in me. How else can I glorify God?
I will say, think, visualise positive thoughts.
I will not take You and you forgranted
I will trust and stop being paranoid.
I will be more accountable to my leaders
I will be strong when I get criticised. I will learn from them
I will love the Lord with all my heart and all my soul and all my strength

thank you Jesus! Hallelujah!

My Elohim

2008-10-12T18:57:00.002+08:00

my Elohim, my Creative God was the theme of today's sermon. It was about being active Christians. that despite the current recession, we shouldnt just sit back and wait for things to happen or just beg God for money to fall from heaven. In the beginning, before the fall of mankind, God revealed Himself to Adam and Eve as the Creator, the Creative God. God expects man to exercise the God-given creativity to problem solve to improve our lives. Amidst the recession, we need to think of creative ways to overcome the situation. While this may not directly apply to students it can be put into our context.

I think this is especially true when we are doing projects and when we try so hard to be different from the majority, to stand out and score a good A. Easier said than done of course. PW is really not easy. All seemed to be so smooth sailing until recently that my group encountered rough waters. I guess we were all just so tired of the process, so tired that we all had inertia. My group is more or less ready for dry run tomorrow but not ready for the real deal.

I'm really gona pray to God for my group's creative juices to act up, for our passion to be reignited. After all, we need to draw strength from the One who never runs dry.

life and its little challenges

2008-10-11T17:01:00.002+08:00

Life and its little challenges. lol. yesterday was one of the worst days of my life.it was really quite hilarious though.

it started out when i overslept. was supposed to reach yck mrt at 10am. but i woke up at 9.15am and i needed to bathe! so haha...i left the house at 9.45am. i was at the lift door and the lift remained at the first level for very long even though i had already pressed the button! So i was wondering what was going on. Finally, it started going up.to my horror, it skipped my level and went to the 17th floor and stoned there for quite a while more. After about 5mins plus of waiting, it came to my level, filled with furniture etc. so i couldnt enter. O.O i pressed for the lift again. it stoned at first floor again! Ok, mayb i was slow, but only then did i conclude that people were moving in to the 17th floor. So i had to climb 13 stories down with my laptop bag!!!!

then during pw, things were quite tense. I was getting very stressed about our lack of progress and chemistry week planning had some hiccups. So i guess i showed everyone in my grp my ugliest side. my face said it all. I felt horrid when i was on my way to cell grp and i figured that i had to apologise to all of them. i waited at the bus stop for my bus. which took ages to come. this bus was supposed to take me to toa payoh. so i decided to cross the road and go to the other side where i could take a bus to yck mrt and head to tampines thereafter. when i went over, 5mins later, the bus to toa payoh came!!! and i waited for 40mins..and the bus to yck never came. so i took another bus. i thot i saw that it was going to yck mrt. TO MY GREATEST HORROR, WHEN I WAS IN THE BUS, THE BUS UNCLE SAID IT DIDNT.So, i ended up in khatib. i was extremely late for meeting my cg.

I eventually got to tampines mrt. I was speaking to jane on the phone in the bus to ivan's place, so my hands were totally occupied. guess wad happened next?! the bus jerked and i staggered backwards and crashed in front of the seat (aka the hard floor!) !!!! so the entire bus stared at me. thank goodness jonovan was carrying my laptop bag. if not my laptop would have died too. so now, i have a big fat wound on my left knee!!! simply hilarious.

life can be embarrassing at times but what i learnt from my good friend was that nobody can make u feel embarrassed unless you allow them too.

oh well, life is interesting and yes there are many things to be happy abt.i just need a change of mindset. I really hope i can work my way towards being more positive and towards handling my emotions better. i felt that yesterday's cell group sermon really spoke to me.

God reassured me that my pw will be fine and so will chemistry week - the 2 things i am extermely concerned about. Cell group sermon was regarding the 4 tests that God often allows you to go through.

1. the Pressure test
2. the People test
3. the Persistence test
4. the Priorities test

Sad to say, I havent exactly passed all these tests. I am still learning how to handle my pressure especially during exams and i believe that it can only get better. With regards to the people test, i realise that i often get disappointed with people because i set expectations of them. but certain expectations and needs, your friends simply cannot fulfill.such things, only God can satisfy. For the persistence test, i realise that i do have a problem being fully committed to quiet time.and finally the priorities test. is God first in my life? what do i think about most? where does my money go first? how do i spend my time? all the answers to these questions reveal what ur priority in life is.

I guess the Christian walk is a journey with lots of ups and downs. God will continuously allow me to get tested. I sure do hope that I will be able to do Him proud when the next test comes. Till then, i gotta build up my spiritual walk and do my daily devotion.

God, i pray for strength

coping with failure

2008-10-08T22:38:00.003+08:00

Didnt make it into bio olympiad competition. Was extremely dejected. The amount of effort put in seemed to have not paid off. I was just so disappointed. So I just walked away from my classmates when I found out my result. I didnt know where to go when i walked away. i just knew that i had to leave. I was staring at my handphone and wondering who to call, who to turn to. I called sarah. Even though she was walking towards the bus stop to go home, she still came back for me. For that, I'm very touched. thanks so much sarah. :) you have never failed to remind me that God is always for me and that i dont need to prove to the world cos God recognises my effort.

If God is for me, who can be against me.
He has plans for me; plans to prosper, for all things work for the good of those who love God. I guess i just need to remember that He is really in control; that He will never abandon me and that He knows my situation better than i do since He is the one who sees the future and the present.

I wanna thank my good friends for being there for me. I wouldnt trade you guys for anythn in this world :)

2008-10-04T23:45:00.003+08:00

somehow today, im really in the mood to just sit down and talk to someone. Not move about or go out, but to just sit down and talk. Its been a while since I last did that. I've quite a bit of issues that are occupying my mind. I wouldnt say they are troubling me but just stuff that needs to be told. I guess its probably because exams have just ended that i have the time to think about things that are not related to academics. my character, my outlook, my friends...and where i really want to go in life, which i am still very unsure about.

Expectations of people. Is it fair to have them? Where do you draw the line? I find myself setting various expectations of people subconsciously and ultimately, I get disappointed. Very often, its simply because those expectations are simply ridiculous. Im kinda annoyed with myself regarding this. I mean, how often do I fulfill the expectations others set for me. But life isnt about fulfilling what others expect of us. If it is, it would be rather sad and difficult.

Yep, just some food for thought.

Went to xinhui's 21st bdae party today >< She dressed up really nicely. It was enjoyable overall, spent time w my cg and had a slight taste of what university students look like. Somehow, they seem really much more mature than jc students and jc students always seem much more mature than sec sch students. like duh rite? haha. I really wonder how things will change when i enter university. It seems to far away. But then again, thats wad i said about entering jc when i first stepped into rgs. time doesnt fly, it jets. ><

kk, time for me to go n sleep. till next time ><

2008-10-04T00:14:00.001+08:00

the horrors of my sec 3 life are replaying before my eyes. the insecurities so ready to devour me. I need to pray.

2008-10-02T22:47:00.002+08:00

Do I believe You are more than enough for me?

Sometimes i question myself, how much I really believe that God is really there for me. I guess its not uncommon for even the most staunch Christians to think that way. But i do remember wad my leaders once said. Faith can coexist with doubt. Faith, is moving in God's love despite doubt.

Faith. Having faith is easier said that done.
I really admire those people who are able to continue to maintain their faith despite the fact that the world is crashing on them. My world isnt crashing on me as of now, so i think its perhaps time to really reflect.

I believe there was a reason why this promos was not so smooth for me. God wanted me to realise how limited I am w/o Him. Well, i will definitely hv to face the music 2 weeks later. I believe loads of people will be facing it with me. >< whether or nt they like the tune.

i shall go do some reading now ><

gonna get a new laptop, could anyone reccommend any models/brands?

2008-09-29T22:05:00.003+08:00

springed david a surprise today since its his birthday. haha. things went smoothly. i really wanna thank God for that. even though TROY was late... that himbo. hahaha. he was really surprised (i hope) when we (jianhong,zhemin,troy,jane,rachel) appeared at his lift entrance today. so the guys managed to get themselves dunked into the pool...guys...never will understand them. they actually find joy in getting soaked to the skin. jh n david's hp died cos they got submerged in water. i duno to laugh or to cry >< haha.

im feeling really tired. since i slept late yesterday to prepare the gift. im glad it was a memorable one for him. wanna thank jane,jh,troy rachel n zm for making my ultimate plan possible >< haha

came home really tired. but nt exactly happy. im nt sure why. just a bit dazed. mayb im too tired. feeling a little dazed. yea i cant use another word to describe the feeling. someone care to help me explain ?

hmmmmm going australia from 23rd nov to 5th dec. looking forward to it. >< but its so far away! somehow even though promos hv ended, i havent exactly been hving fun. yes im less stressed.but not a lot happier. ive come to realise that the only true joy is the joy of the Lord. something i need to fill myself with each day. i am nt going to waste my holidays. i really want to do something with this time like do bold stuff...do things ive never done before. this bdae surprise is one of them. since ive really never done sth like tt before.so it was quite cool. looking forward to cooking with huiyi! perhaps im gona go to her place to learn hw to cook stuff >< n im planning to organise some christmas party for my class. hope it will be able to pull through ><

i think i lack energy. need to really slap myself awake. -slap- -ouch-
haha. sigh ok. meeting jane tml for lunch. looking forward to it. >< its so easy to talk to her. some people you just have chemistry with >< i love u jane! wad will i do without u!

kk,gtg read my book ><
till next time.

food for thought

2008-09-25T20:08:00.003+08:00

im glad promos are over ><
but this entire exam period has left me with some food for thought and i feel that the life lessons that i have learnt from the examination is of greater significance than the how i should calculate ka of a weak acid or how the socially optimum output level is achieved.

these are some lessons I've learnt.
Firstly, I've learnt to cope with failures. Not failing my exam per se but failing to achieve my expectations. Expections are meant to motivate you, not to crush you or stress you out. Life is not about meeting expections, its about making sure that you try to do so the right way. Very often, I tend to do things the wrong way and end up hurting myself instead.

Secondly, your biggest enemy is you. Your self-confidence, your expections, your decisions. In every exam, if you aim to beat yourself, the value of the success is much greater. God gave everyone different talents and a different destiny. Yes, there is so much our human capability allows us to achieve, but does God want us to go that way? Messing up during an exam doesnt mean that you are bad at studies. It just means that perhaps God wants you to see beyond the books, to other talents you may have.Of course, it doesnt mean that we do not do our best in our studies. Put in your best effort, but blame yourself no longer if you feel that you have messed up. I've learnt that very much.

Thirdly, I learnt how to come with stress. Coping with stress doesnt mean that you do not get stressed. It means that when you do, you know the right methods to employ so as to destress. I started panicking when I couldnt finish studying for my paper the next day. My heartbeat raced and i was really feeling the heat. God told me to flip open the bible and see what He has to say to me. Hebrews 10: 35 "Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward." Then He said in the next verse "For you have the need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise." I need to have the confidence in myself and in God, who has confidence in me. I just gotta lift my head up and move on. I found myself saying, relax alicia, its gona be fine, you will get a job next time. hahaha which is true. Im awaiting God's destiny for me.

Finally, i learnt how important it is to be a good friend to everyone at a time when practically everyone isnt. Im not blowing my own trumpet. I learnt this lesson by not being a good friend myself. i went home one day thinking about how i wouldnt like it if i were on the receiving end of things. so i decided to msg some of my friends and drop them an encouragement just like how my cg mates did. it helped me i hope it helped them ><

Well, i hope i can apply what i learnt in the future, pick myself up and look forward to next year which is gona be another exciting year! this year has been very eventful and God has really blessed me with a good class with cheerful classmates who are all so accomodating when i try my best to crack jokes. haha

Count your blessings, many would say. i'm beginning to learn how to do so. I want to thank God for always being there for me even when my Christian walk hit rocky grounds. I want to thank God for my parents. throughout the entire exam period, they have been very supportive and loving. i guess as we grow older, we slowly begin to realise how important they are and how much they have done for us. my father actually agreed to pick me up after school everyday during the promo period so i could settle my lunch and go home early to study. i love you papa! and my mum who took a half day leave just to have dinner with me and accompany me. I want to thank God for good friends who never failed to drop me a verse from the bible (jane, thats you >< and jonovan too) it helped a lot. I want to thank God for giving me peace even though the world is in turmoil; for a reasonably well to do family who can provide for me needs. theres just so much more I can be thankful for.

If God is for me, who can be against me?

That doesnt mean that I will always get what I wish. It means that God has a great plan for me which i will enjoy later. Live by faith, not by sight. I think it makes life more meaningful and worthwhile.

Ok, i sound like im preaching here. lol but these are really my honest reflections from the entire promotional exam season and i felt that it might be good that i put it in words.

man this is a really long post. if uve read till here, i applaud u! and thanks for taking the time ><

In Your Unfailing Love I will live

2008-09-08T22:01:00.002+08:00

promo prep!!! no stress no stess!! haha right. im trying to control my stress levels.

Dear God, take me even higher
Dear God, help me be more secure in who I am
Dear God, take away my worries
Dear God, remove all my fears
Dear God, I am Your Child, I am Your workmanship

Though I may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil

2008-09-05T12:29:00.003+08:00

I wonder how many times I've done cost benefit analysis throughout the entire holidays.

1. identify the task
2. measure the cost and benefits of doing so (tho not in monetary terms)
3. predict future benefits and costs and factor it in
4. make the decision...

man... i feel snail like now. i dun feel very happy with my progress cos it seems as tho the whole world is zooming past me!

I guess I need to be secure in my own studying style. it hasnt really failed me yet... i hope it doesnt for this promos. slow and steady wins the race? i just wanna win my own race. and improve. especially for econs ><

i guess was matters is not what i get for promos, but whether or not God is happy in the way i attained those grades. I'm going for cell group today. and as much as it would take up my entire night.i believe in faith that i wld be able to complete my work ><

ok back to work!!!

2008-09-01T22:34:00.002+08:00

stress building up :( but im surprisingly not as stressed as i thought i would be. i hope its not complacency. shldnt be ba. the fact tt im fretting over the questions that i cannot do.

limited time unlimited wants. i want to slp! >< feeling piggish this hols.

so tired. mostly mentally. just wanna sit down n watch some cartoons but i cant :( i wanna eat icecream but i cant... im gona get well soon... so i gotta wait for full recovery before i indulge myself again ><

Each moment I live, by faith I believe, with You, I'm never alone. ><

disappointment

2008-08-29T21:42:00.002+08:00

certain people just stick by you through thick and thin. and even if u fail to spend time with that person for quite a bit, that person will still come back and ask, hey how are u >< Jane, ure that person. thanks so much ><

I guess friendship isnt about how much time you spend with that person, but how deep you care about that person. this is what ive learnt from her. you have never failed to say the word "you" when everyone else says "I".

Todays teachers' day, quite a memorable one in fact >< my class really went to the pains to get great gifts for the teachers. when ms gan saw the harley davidson plastic bad she was so happy she totally hugged it so tightly! and she din even open to see wad was inside. lol! we gave her a harley davidson water bottle and she was all smiles ><

Ms Goh got nice shades too. shes really pretty and everyone thinks so ><

hahahahaah... ><

okays gtg n zzzzz

Jesus, my vine

2008-08-25T00:41:00.003+08:00

I've always love this CHC song...
we sang it today at service. and it spoke to me quite a bit

Mercies that rise with the new morn,
Set me apart as a new born.
Each moment I live, by faith I believe
With You I'm never alone

Darkness may come, trials seem so long.
You are the Light I depend on.
Through valleys and storms,
Your Word keeps me strong,
My shelter, refuge and song.
I trust in You.

Every day I live I know You are my God,
I lift my face and look to You my Lord.
Even when the mountains tremble and a thousand fall,
I will stand with You,
My Jesus, take my all.

The line "Each moment I live, by faith I believe
With You I'm never alone" means a lot to me. In rjc or perhaps any jc, sometimes, everyone is caught up in their studies and few people will really find the time to ask u how you are, or even acknowledge ur existence and that you matter to them. God told me that I do not need all these. While i should still treat people with love, I should not fear if they do not reciprocate, because with Jesus Himself, I'm never alone. >< its quite touching as to how Jesus, who sits at the right hand of the Father and helps govern the entire universe can even bother to spend time with me and speak to me when I'm alone, telling me how I should handle various issues in my life ><

I think its also about knowing that He is God. That Hes in charge of everything. That i need not fear when turbulence disrupts my smooth flight, or when the rough waves rock my boat. If Peter can walk on water, so can I, with Jesus.

Promos are coming and its really a time during which my faith is greatly tested...but God said that everything im going thru is common to man. With God, all things are possible and behold, all things are new. >< I'm starting afresh with God tomorrow. ><

till next time XD

2008-08-14T20:31:00.002+08:00

thank You God for loving me
You are my everlasting spring

thank you God for giving me a reason to live
Its You that I want to please

thank You God for Your supernatural strength
that I can move mountains once again

thank You God for accepting the imperfect me
in You I find security

I love You Lord for loving me. Help me go through my difficulties.
I lean on You my Source of strength.For You, I want to be able to go to the greatest length.

my attempt at poetry. really glad to have support from friends and cg mates. in this jc, i realise i need them so much more. I want to overcome my problems, and with God, I have faith that I will soar like an eagle, over my problems ><

In You, I find my peace. i really do ><

alls well

2008-08-09T19:27:00.005+08:00

national day... is the day i spend doing pw at home... :(

ive completed
1. 2 posters for PW
2. 10% of my EoM
3. a little of my chem tutorial...

tts ok luh. but ive been really distracted by like msn and hahaa youtube...occasionally changing the soundtracks im listening to on itunes.
the posters look like this

ive been listening to Surrender All by the Parachute Band for countless times today! really like it...
Surrender all, surrender all...I'm dead to sin, alive within XD

In a relatively good mood today XD gona go n eat with my parents later! cant wait. XD its been a long time since we really ate together. the problem with modernisation. sigh.

okays then i shall go and continue with my EoM... XD

2008-08-08T12:32:00.003+08:00

the long awaited national day holidays have arrived! man i really need this break, spend time w cell grp, spend time with God and with myself. XD

national day celebrations was quite good yesterday XD had loads of fun w my class. the community singing was just madness since the whole mph was jumping and felt like it was gona collapse! the dance performances were fantastic too XD looked really professional.

gona take today to really unwind and relax. cant wait for cell grp today. gona lean on God as my only source of strength XD

n nancy, i knw ure reading this. haha! i really hope our pw goes through well. i think somehow the presentation isnt outstanding enough. like we need more impressive illustrations. so how nancy?

life is subjected to constant change and change is not just the only constant in this world, God is too. dependable, reliable and lovely. I'm moving on... and i hope my words will manifest in my actions.

sad!

2008-08-06T20:40:00.002+08:00

These few days have been VERY trying for me. extremely in fact. its the few days when everything goes wrong (ie. studies, family etc), and one of my pillars of strength seems to have disappeared. Really worn out these days. really really worn out. emotionally and mentally. HRLP!!!

did quiet time today and God really revived me. talked to joycelyn also. I pray to God for wisdom. wisdom surpasses knowledge and i guess thats more impt than knowing everythn in the world, since its abt knwing wad to do with the knowledge. XD i love God really much, though I have drifted from Him the past few days, today, i realised that drawing back to Him really helped. drawing back to my true vine. feel refreshed. XD I'm trying my best to stand strong amidst my difficulties and challenges. n i believe God is putting me through this so i can stretch myself.

i really wanna thank jane, nancy, hongchuan,kelly, michelle and amy for being there for me today. just talking to me when i cried. i love you guys a lot XD

i believe i will live the next few weeks and the rest of my life stronger. after all, all these things only serve to make me stronger once i come out of it. and i know i will, for God will not allow me to drown in my challenges nor will He allow things to happen to me of which i cannot handle.

Living rain!

love u guys loads!
Love you Jesus!

but God

2008-08-03T23:56:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wish i didnt care. but God gave us emotions for a reason.
sometimes i hate ur fickleness. but God says I can be secure in His love.
sometimes i wish i wasnt affected. but God is using this to teach me to lean on Him more.
sometimes i think i'm crumbling under all the pressure. but God says He will make a way

but God...

I need to depend on You as my only source of strength. let go of this world and her ways... look to Your ways

Living rain, fall again, over my life, over my land...
Living rain, wash my heart again...

boooo

2008-07-15T23:21:00.002+08:00

got our ct results back. im satisfied with my results but theres really loads of room for improvement. esp my econs!!! i really understand the concept of scarcity. for students i think its simply the limited amount of time for us to really do what we want to do...

had Bio O today. was a time of revelation since i realised how much i didnt know today. was quite discouraged. but the thing that turned my day around was really the time i spent with Jesus during my quiet time. He spoke to me regarding many things today and I've finally sorted things out. He told me that all of us were given different talents, so theres really no need to compare, theres no fair comparison. Run this race with endurance He said, looking unto God, the Author and Finisher of our faith. I really felt an immense sense of comfort and peace today. spent quite a long time in prayer. This time with Him really cannot be replaced with anything else. Its the only time when i really get to reflect on my day and hear from God, my shelter, my refuge XD

The pace of work is really increasing, i can feel the pressure building up. but i believe my system will tend to equilibrium by increasing the rate of reaction in the opposite direction (hahaa another silly AJ)

Im really glad that im getting baptised this sunday! cant wait XD i really love my cell group; for all their support and love. and they are gona attend my baptism! hopefully James will be able to attend too since. w/o the cell grp leader things will just seem different. really miss him, since hes been away in army and the cell grp only gets to see him on sundays.

read a really meaningful bible verse today: Hebrews 12: 1-3
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.

Till next time XD

JULY

2008-07-03T23:18:00.003+08:00

ITS JULY!!!! MY FAVOURITE MONTH! *coughs* hahhaaa. time really flies. i still rmb the day i stepped into rgs, when i decided 4 yrs down the road, i would be in rjc, in a totally new environment. and here i am, 6 mths into my jc life.

It has been a roller coaster ride. Many ups and many downs. Really glad that God and my cg has been there for me through it all XD

I've decided to let go and let my situation be sacrificed to Jesus. Took me quite a bit of courage to finally let go and let God. But i feel that i will be happier now XD

Rev Mike Connell is coming to my church this sunday. Really cant wait. Its gona be exciting since it will be the first deliverence session that i will be attending XD
oh yes! will be getting baptised this july! decided that alicia teng is fine, no need for a baptism name.

My eyes set on You in this race that I run.

Jesus, all I need

2008-06-29T20:11:00.003+08:00

My church wrote a new Christian song. It goes like this.

STANDING IN AWE OF YOUR GRACE
SETTING MY FEET IN YOUR WAYS
ENTERING INTO YOUR PRESENCE
TO BEHOLD YOU FACE TO FACE

GOD OF ALL HEAVEN AND EARTH
HOLDING ME IN YOUR EMBRACE
UNFAILING LOVE THAT SURROUNDS ME
OH..GOD I STAND AMAZED

MY JESUS, MY LORD
YOU’RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
WHEREVER YOU GO
WANNA BE BY YOUR SIDE
NO LONGER I
BUT CHRIST LIVING IN ME
SERVING YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY

MY EYES SET ON YOU
IN THIS RACE THAT I RUN
NO LONGER MY WAYS
LET YOUR WILL BE DONE
MAKE ME A SERVANT
MY HEART'S EVER TRUE
CLINGING TO THE CROSS
I'LL FOLLOW YOU
I'LL FOLLOW YOU

the parts that really spoke to me were
"No longer my ways, Let Your will be done" with regards to the relationship problems im hving with my friend(s) I've decided that I shall let God handle it. its not what i think is right. but what He thinks is right. after all, its "No longer I but Christ living in me". Jesus gave me greater meaning to live.

Lost sth precious to me recently. its a pen. but God told me to build treasures in heaven not on earth. for those are the treasures that really last.

I realised that sometimes, i set too high expectations of people. its really wrong. i mean i dont meet the expectations of others all the time either. I live for Christ. I want to live such a life and find the love I need from Him and from the things that I love doing.

Jesus "make me a servant, my heart's ever true. Clinging to the Cross I'll follow you."

theres been some stuff on my mine

2008-06-28T00:57:00.002+08:00

theres been some stuff running through my mind. other than the Krebs cycle, Boyle's Law and economies of scale. been causing me to take doubly longer time to fall asleep. i guess its wad teenagers go thru. the time when we struggle to be sure of how we feel about a particular situation. and somehow you go back and forth btw nonchalance and being greatly affected. its quite annoying actually. i know im being super vague. but i just need to let this out.

sometimes something may seem to be heading towards a certain direction. but one circumstance alone can turn the tables around. and i will drift back to nonchalance.or trying to ignore the situation.

anyway, the only reason that i have the time to think about all these is cos my CTs are over. for now. really glad. i feel that God has really blessed me throughout the entire week. despite the fact tt i didnt manage to finish studying. He really helped me. I could feel Him prompting answers at the back of my mind and telling me theres sth wrong with this answer. and it turns out that there really was sth wrong with my answers!

ok back to the annoying situation. its really getting on my nerves. and i cant avoid it and i have to face it almost everyday. I'm really praying to God for discernment. My cgl said something relevant today. That i cannot let my emotions rule my life. thats just the lowest way of living. I simply have to choose what is right and live by it. I believe soon I will sort out the right mindset i should have regarding my situation. yes. XD

to God be the glory!

stressed

2008-06-16T01:33:00.002+08:00

I must be really stressed. I've never gotten headaches due to studying before. recently, its becoming more and more frequent. This really can't go on. I dislike summation esp. recurrence relations. seriously. especially when i cant get the answer. lol. very immature i must say. haiz. its quite frustrating.
Thanks goes to my cg mates and close friends for reminding me tht God is indeed here for me. If God is for me, who can be against me. Maybe thats why having friends of the same faith is very important. they uplift you. i need to get over these and move on. and i need to get more sleep. ive been faithfully sleeping at 1 - 3am every night for the past week.

Father God, I need You so much.

stretched

2008-06-05T20:21:00.002+08:00

im tightly stretched :( loads of stuff to complete. today..i told my friend that ive not started on any subject other than bio. n he said. alicia have u been slacking. oh man. i havent really. bio is so massive. haiz.

jia you alicia!!! i'm believing in faith that God will definitely bless me as I study for my cts.

jia you everyone XD

Jesus You, You hold the world in Your unfailing love.
Father You, the universe exalts in who You are.

2008-06-02T11:41:00.002+08:00

"You quieted the raging oceans with their pounding waves and silenced the shouting of nations" - Psalm 65:7 (NLT)

"He who heeds the word wisely will find good, And whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he." - Proverbs 16:20 (NKJV)

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Chirst Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you." - 1 Peter 5:6-10 (NKJV)

"...narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it." - Matthew 7:14 (NKJV)

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." - Matthew 6:33

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:34

thank you Jesus.

a little unhappy

2008-05-30T16:17:00.002+08:00

Eever woken up only to realise it somehow seems to be a gloomy day? today is that day. dont really know why. hmmm. i guess i'm sensing some hopelessness in a particular situation and a little unhappiness. I need Jesus to fill my inadequacies.

Going to join the rest for church camp later. Just need to get out of rjc life and into church life, my cg is really my refuge. I guess there is where I can truly let go and be myself with God. After all, there's nothing I can hide from Him. and I truly glad about that. need Him to keep me in check.

jesus said "be of good cheer; for I have overcome the world" XD

I shall XD

fullstream ahead!

2008-05-29T12:10:00.000+08:00

Oh man, i actually woke up at 10am and didnt even snooze the alarm. lol. Yes its extemely rare that i wake up at 10am on the account that i slept at 2.30am this morning!

Slept with a tremendous amount of stress last night. Suddenly realised the amount of work i needed to do. I was praying to God asking that He make a way for me since i was really stretched due to some problems with GB work and other CG duties I had to complete. Then God reminded me that He would not shortchange me as long as I was serving Him and His people since i was terribly afraid that I would do badly for my CTs because I have barely started. really.

I feel a lot better now because not only have I completed my CG duties, I've also settled my GB stuff. Thank God for making a way indeed!

I'm missing ignite youth camp. :( Parents and I both decided that I do need more time to study. But I'm still going to attend the night sessions! Cant wait to hear what Yi Lun (zone leader) has to preach. I'm really glad that I've managed to get Juon,Sam and Leong to come for the camp fire on friday! I believe they will be greatly blessed by the sermon after the campfire XD

I wonder what the people at church camp are doing now...

For now, I shall do my best with my studies! Jia you everyone!

awkward

2008-05-27T19:33:00.000+08:00

The same feeling plagued me again. the feeling of insecurity. worried of how people perceive me when I am totally caught unaware. Sometimes, the subtleties of your actions can really affect another no matter how unknowingly it may have occurred.

I'm really not sure if I''m at fault this time. But I guess what's important is not who's to be blamed but whether or not I can change to make the situation better. We're in different classes now. Maybe that's why I have not been paying much attention to that friend of mine and vice versa.

Just thought of this famous quote by Mahatma Gandhi - "be the change you want to see in the world" haha. ok this sounds a bit exaggerated for my situation. but I guess I need to be the change I want to see in my relationship with my friend.

I went to city hall to help with the house banner painting for the upcoming ignite church camp XD it looks quite cool. my house name is Nakamura. yea the guy in heroes. haha. u can call me a frog in a well but I've really never seen that show. So we were trying our best to make the picture of nakamura look fierce on our banner haha. it was quite interesting XD camp starts on thursday! it will be held at the sembawang GB and BB campsite. The last time I've been there was ehhhh primary 5 during some camp for junior leaders. I'm looking forward to going back again and am especially looking forward to the sermons. The sermons given by CHC never fail to inspire me in little ways. I want to be a cell group leader some day. I think thats an amazing way that I can serve God. Just as how my own cell grp leader impacted my life, it would be great if I could do the same though it seems very much a tall order now.

Been busy with cell membrane notes. I realise my working pace is ULTRA slow. My engine is just not driven up yet. Will get my pace back soon. I hope...

many thanks

2008-05-26T18:09:00.000+08:00

I've decided to create a whole new blog. After all, coming into rjc means starting a whole new life and welcoming whole new experiences. I'd very much like to forget all the sorrows of the past and keep the bits from which I have learnt lessons from. I really do miss rgs. It was a place where I really grew to understand what kind of person I want to be. But of course, I thank God for guiding my path, for helping me understand that there is more to life than the tangibles. I stepped on the toes of many people in rgs, for this I really wish to apologise. at the same time, I also wish to thank those who have picked me up when I fell, those that stood by me despite my relentless complaints.
everyone seems to be moving on in rjc. which makes the statement that change is the only constant very true. everyone is caught up in their new life, their new passion, I guess I'm guilty of that too. life goes on so fast in rjc that you sometimes forget to take a step back and evaluate whatever you have done.
sometimes, you just try to grab onto things you feel you are about to lose grip of. Certain things i feel i should not let go of.
I've begin to realise that God is speaking to me whenever I comfort others with His Word. I am hardly ever alone when I grow weary of waiting for His answers. Patience. God has a perfect plan. I have learnt to wait for His replies and to have fidelity in Him. He has never failed me and never will. I seek solace in that fact. I'm beginning to realise the importance of having an eternal source of support especially when friends come and go.
I want to thank God for these
1. for a stable and loving family
2. for city harvest and e426 my source of strength
3. my close friends
4. my gifts
5. my weaknesses from which I begin to understand how vulnerable I am without Him.
6. for good teachers in rjc
7. confidence for the future

I will not return to school and say that I had spent my whole june holidays studying. Neither will I go back saying that I have not studied at all. I trust that I will learn to strike the delicate balance between work and play.
Still learning...