things are better now... apologise for my outburst.

had a really busy day yesterday...frm sch to cca to moe to rach's place to jane's place. i was tired but happy i guess :)

had a good time swimming with rachel, too bad deb had to leave early. i guess i needed time off the land lol.jane was playing frets on fire at rach's place... shes quite good really :) hahaha. so we 3 just spent some quality time together. it was quite cool overall.

went to jane's place... had a long heart to heart chat w her over dinner. i think post promo period really rocks.it is usually after exams that i start to consider how to get my life sorted out. the little things that i would normally sweep under the carpet when studies seem to take priority. should i even do that?

oh well... im getting inertia..dun really wanna start doing work when perhaps i should..next year is really gona be no joke...

i have resolved to stop typing wth and shit in my msn convos. lol i just read my past convos and i felt they sounded really crude. so...time for a change i guess.

a normal day... going to school later. lets see how things go yea.
may the joy of the Lord be with me wherever i go.

today...
is it just teenage angst? i really duno. sometimes i wish i could just skip this stage altogether. you probably hv no idea wad im talking abt or wad im gona talk abt, but bear with me yea.

i duno if i regret it at all...making that decision...stepping into the unknown. many opinions, many choices, many routes, all leading to the same or different outcome?

is it worth all the trouble? all the emotions, all the pain...all the concern, all the fears, all the effort?

if only i could read minds. so i know what on earth is going thru your mind. if only you could read my mind. if only you people could read my mind, to understand how im trying my best to be the person that i should be and all the struggles i go through trying to find a balance in things.

perhaps im just attention seeking yea... im not sure...

ever felt that you are the one whos giving the most, only to be greeted with indifference? or at least less than the attention/care you deserve? sometimes i feel that i care more...

ok this is really emo. i just gotta let it out. no matter how unreasonable it may be.

so... just a v sianned day today. even though i generally had fun since its almost the last day of school. it was relaxing i guess.

so many eyes. just looking... you really never know wad people think of you behind that smile. then again...how do u please the whole world. so do u choose people to please? well... God says...do not place your confidence in man but in God. tts true... :)

haiz... just one of the more emo days for me. i will be fine tomorrow i guess. will be having sleepover at jane's place :) gonna pray later.

till next time

handling disappointments. not as easy as it seems. especially so for me. cos when im sad, its written all over my face. is this a strength or a flaw? i really dun knw. i mean, its the way i release my stress n sadness. if u ask me to stop doing that now, i might just crash due to the accumulation of feelings.

i'd like to be a reliable person, someone you can count on for prayers, someone you can count on to be concerned abt the little things you are going thru when the world just walks by. tts cos, i would like others to do the same to me too i guess. im glad God has blessed me with a few guardian angels whom i will not name here but i hope they know who they are.

After taking the Myers-Briggs' personality test, i discovered that im an ESFJ. Heres wad a website says.

"ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care."

its quite true, the part about they are hurt by indifference. I dont know about the part abt being giving,warm energetic. i guess my good character traits are for my friends to say. But i really do need to feel apprecitated i realised. lol. I just feel a need for my people to acknowledge that i am there. attention-seeking? perhaps. I truly feel very dejected when I feel that people are indifferent towards me, not caring about what i say etc.

"An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren't any."

This, is also EXTREMELY TRUE. Jane would know. after all the things ive told her regarding my relationship with my friends. i do need to work on my security. God gives security. He told me. Place confidence in God, not man. and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He died for me, what else wouldnt He do for me?

the website concluded saying "ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family." Haha, I really hope thats true! This personality test actually helped me understand myself better and helped me see some of the strengths i never knew i had before. I want to thank God for these strengths, and i pray that i will have the wisdom to use them wisely :)

till next time. :)

I will be positive. I will from now on, change my mindset. No weapon that forms against me shall prosper, for I know that God has a destiny for me. He has plans for me to prosper not to crumble.

I will smile. I will not frown when I don't understand vectors.
I will acknowledge that I am smart.
I will accept compliments with humility, but not with false humility.
I will not doubt myself, my friends, my good friends and most importantly, God.
I will love what I do and do everything with joy in me. How else can I glorify God?
I will say, think, visualise positive thoughts.
I will not take You and you forgranted
I will trust and stop being paranoid.
I will be more accountable to my leaders
I will be strong when I get criticised. I will learn from them
I will love the Lord with all my heart and all my soul and all my strength


thank you Jesus! Hallelujah!

my Elohim, my Creative God was the theme of today's sermon. It was about being active Christians. that despite the current recession, we shouldnt just sit back and wait for things to happen or just beg God for money to fall from heaven. In the beginning, before the fall of mankind, God revealed Himself to Adam and Eve as the Creator, the Creative God. God expects man to exercise the God-given creativity to problem solve to improve our lives. Amidst the recession, we need to think of creative ways to overcome the situation. While this may not directly apply to students it can be put into our context.

I think this is especially true when we are doing projects and when we try so hard to be different from the majority, to stand out and score a good A. Easier said than done of course. PW is really not easy. All seemed to be so smooth sailing until recently that my group encountered rough waters. I guess we were all just so tired of the process, so tired that we all had inertia. My group is more or less ready for dry run tomorrow but not ready for the real deal.

I'm really gona pray to God for my group's creative juices to act up, for our passion to be reignited. After all, we need to draw strength from the One who never runs dry.

Life and its little challenges. lol. yesterday was one of the worst days of my life.it was really quite hilarious though.

it started out when i overslept. was supposed to reach yck mrt at 10am. but i woke up at 9.15am and i needed to bathe! so haha...i left the house at 9.45am. i was at the lift door and the lift remained at the first level for very long even though i had already pressed the button! So i was wondering what was going on. Finally, it started going up.to my horror, it skipped my level and went to the 17th floor and stoned there for quite a while more. After about 5mins plus of waiting, it came to my level, filled with furniture etc. so i couldnt enter. O.O i pressed for the lift again. it stoned at first floor again! Ok, mayb i was slow, but only then did i conclude that people were moving in to the 17th floor. So i had to climb 13 stories down with my laptop bag!!!!

then during pw, things were quite tense. I was getting very stressed about our lack of progress and chemistry week planning had some hiccups. So i guess i showed everyone in my grp my ugliest side. my face said it all. I felt horrid when i was on my way to cell grp and i figured that i had to apologise to all of them. i waited at the bus stop for my bus. which took ages to come. this bus was supposed to take me to toa payoh. so i decided to cross the road and go to the other side where i could take a bus to yck mrt and head to tampines thereafter. when i went over, 5mins later, the bus to toa payoh came!!! and i waited for 40mins..and the bus to yck never came. so i took another bus. i thot i saw that it was going to yck mrt. TO MY GREATEST HORROR, WHEN I WAS IN THE BUS, THE BUS UNCLE SAID IT DIDNT.So, i ended up in khatib. i was extremely late for meeting my cg.

I eventually got to tampines mrt. I was speaking to jane on the phone in the bus to ivan's place, so my hands were totally occupied. guess wad happened next?! the bus jerked and i staggered backwards and crashed in front of the seat (aka the hard floor!) !!!! so the entire bus stared at me. thank goodness jonovan was carrying my laptop bag. if not my laptop would have died too. so now, i have a big fat wound on my left knee!!! simply hilarious.

life can be embarrassing at times but what i learnt from my good friend was that nobody can make u feel embarrassed unless you allow them too.

oh well, life is interesting and yes there are many things to be happy abt.i just need a change of mindset. I really hope i can work my way towards being more positive and towards handling my emotions better. i felt that yesterday's cell group sermon really spoke to me.

God reassured me that my pw will be fine and so will chemistry week - the 2 things i am extermely concerned about. Cell group sermon was regarding the 4 tests that God often allows you to go through.

1. the Pressure test
2. the People test
3. the Persistence test
4. the Priorities test

Sad to say, I havent exactly passed all these tests. I am still learning how to handle my pressure especially during exams and i believe that it can only get better. With regards to the people test, i realise that i often get disappointed with people because i set expectations of them. but certain expectations and needs, your friends simply cannot fulfill.such things, only God can satisfy. For the persistence test, i realise that i do have a problem being fully committed to quiet time.and finally the priorities test. is God first in my life? what do i think about most? where does my money go first? how do i spend my time? all the answers to these questions reveal what ur priority in life is.

I guess the Christian walk is a journey with lots of ups and downs. God will continuously allow me to get tested. I sure do hope that I will be able to do Him proud when the next test comes. Till then, i gotta build up my spiritual walk and do my daily devotion.

God, i pray for strength

Didnt make it into bio olympiad competition. Was extremely dejected. The amount of effort put in seemed to have not paid off. I was just so disappointed. So I just walked away from my classmates when I found out my result. I didnt know where to go when i walked away. i just knew that i had to leave. I was staring at my handphone and wondering who to call, who to turn to. I called sarah. Even though she was walking towards the bus stop to go home, she still came back for me. For that, I'm very touched. thanks so much sarah. :) you have never failed to remind me that God is always for me and that i dont need to prove to the world cos God recognises my effort.

If God is for me, who can be against me.
He has plans for me; plans to prosper, for all things work for the good of those who love God. I guess i just need to remember that He is really in control; that He will never abandon me and that He knows my situation better than i do since He is the one who sees the future and the present.

I wanna thank my good friends for being there for me. I wouldnt trade you guys for anythn in this world :)

somehow today, im really in the mood to just sit down and talk to someone. Not move about or go out, but to just sit down and talk. Its been a while since I last did that. I've quite a bit of issues that are occupying my mind. I wouldnt say they are troubling me but just stuff that needs to be told. I guess its probably because exams have just ended that i have the time to think about things that are not related to academics. my character, my outlook, my friends...and where i really want to go in life, which i am still very unsure about.

Expectations of people. Is it fair to have them? Where do you draw the line? I find myself setting various expectations of people subconsciously and ultimately, I get disappointed. Very often, its simply because those expectations are simply ridiculous. Im kinda annoyed with myself regarding this. I mean, how often do I fulfill the expectations others set for me. But life isnt about fulfilling what others expect of us. If it is, it would be rather sad and difficult.

Yep, just some food for thought.

Went to xinhui's 21st bdae party today >< She dressed up really nicely. It was enjoyable overall, spent time w my cg and had a slight taste of what university students look like. Somehow, they seem really much more mature than jc students and jc students always seem much more mature than sec sch students. like duh rite? haha. I really wonder how things will change when i enter university. It seems to far away. But then again, thats wad i said about entering jc when i first stepped into rgs. time doesnt fly, it jets. ><

kk, time for me to go n sleep. till next time ><

the horrors of my sec 3 life are replaying before my eyes. the insecurities so ready to devour me. I need to pray.

Do I believe You are more than enough for me?

Sometimes i question myself, how much I really believe that God is really there for me. I guess its not uncommon for even the most staunch Christians to think that way. But i do remember wad my leaders once said. Faith can coexist with doubt. Faith, is moving in God's love despite doubt.

Faith. Having faith is easier said that done.
I really admire those people who are able to continue to maintain their faith despite the fact that the world is crashing on them. My world isnt crashing on me as of now, so i think its perhaps time to really reflect.

I believe there was a reason why this promos was not so smooth for me. God wanted me to realise how limited I am w/o Him. Well, i will definitely hv to face the music 2 weeks later. I believe loads of people will be facing it with me. >< whether or nt they like the tune.

i shall go do some reading now ><

gonna get a new laptop, could anyone reccommend any models/brands?

*alicia
Child of God
City Harvester
KCPPS
RGS
RJC
09S03L


God.E426.Psalm 139:14.




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