in australia now.
i wouldnt say im extremely happy. a tinge of disappointment tho. n yea since i will be having a room to myself. theres lot of time to ponder over life and the decisions i have made the past year or so... which is good :)
tomorrow lessons start. will be having bridge sessions with the other 3L girls later :)
perth is really peaceful.
a time when i just wanna let go and let God.
Perhaps the only unconditional and stable kind of love comes from Him. Friends come and go. but God is never fickle or uncaring. He's my unfailing love :)
Looking forward to quiet time later :)
Hope the ppl in Singapore are doing well. :)
a timely reminder by a good friend. "Guard your heart."
thanks weilin. I will remember to do that :)
man... that really helped :)
some thoughts i had today.
its really not fun to get suanned throughout the entire day. sometimes when i try to crack jokes its really to make things interesting for others. n well... i guess too much suanning hurts. im not your clown you know. i just wanna stop trying.
i was honestly unhappy that i had to enter the overflow room despite the fact that i reached expo super early. but tts partly my fault.
i learnt that the presence of God is everywhere. you need to seek it. even in the overflow room it can be strong.
i learnt that i cannot tolerate this ("this" i will not explicitly state). i cringe when it happens. and it seems like we are on par now. kinda have the same importance and standing.things are coming from one side. feels tt way. oh well.
well... thats not important. or at least i try not to think abt it anymore. when im on the mrt alone, riding frm expo to bishan. such a long ride. can really drive u nuts sometimes esp when ure alone. gives me a lot of time to think.
God says I am His child and I am to find confidence in Him. that only Him i trust cos ppl tend to disappoint. n its nt entirely their fault. cos you set expectations on them.
Dear God, very honestly, i dont want to get used to this. I know You said my life will be very eventful the day i said that i wanted to be a cell group leader. but seriously... i rather i din know some people or din cross paths... so all these wouldnt happen and all the feelings like fear and anxiety wont exist cos of them. But then again. not my will but Yours be done. I thank You for being my kleenex when all other brands fail. im learning to put You first so that i wouldnt even need to depend on others. and get so affected by what they do. its not their fault. partly mine. I believe You're my Healer. :)
had the sudden urge to post my adobe creations!
tired... honestly, ignorance is bliss... sometimes.
sometimes u just wanna avoid the consequences yea? i regret saying certain things to ppl. cos stuff has changed i guess. am i insensitive? i admit that i am at times. im still trying to work on that aspect.
my eyes are tired from the overflowing again... i guess self realisation is something everyone has to go through now and then... but i guess i never fail to cry when that happens to me.
i feel horrid. but i know i have to pick myself up... is this something God has planned for me to go through? i really havent thought of it that way... not in this area. but i know He would never give me something i cannot handle.
im gonna learn... i guess one important part of growing up is to not be afraid of learning. you may ask..how difficult can learning get? isnt it just absorbing...? well...today ive learnt that the process of learning involves a few crucial steps.
1. humbling yourself
2. admitting that you are wrong
3. applying what you have learnt.
self-actualisation makes me cry all the time... cos i knw that i am indeed a person with many flaws (i have strengths too...but its nt the point here) and how ugly a human being can be...
but God saved the day. and He will continue to save my days :)
im tired. like sleepy n sianned kinda tired. God is really putting me to the test. after promos, this is the other test im gona face.
theres so much i want to say...
oh well...
time really flies... the memories are coming back... new ones are forming...
anyway.. it hurts when you practice double standards. so could u please stop.
i'm happy today. its about time rite? haha :)
I guess being happy sometimes isnt natural but we all gotta make an effort to be happy. I think that the things happening around me really affect my mood very easily. Just cant stare and be nonchalant abt the stuff thats happening.
Some food for thought, what is the first question that comes across your mind when somethings happens.
1. why is it happening, is there anyway i can help
2. how does it affect ME.
i guess its quite obvious which is the self centred question. i believe that its natural for being to think of the second question. i vaguely remember my cell grp leader telling me abt this before. and i was reminded again yesterday.
oh well... everyday's a day for change.
tomorrow is pw day. its the last time im gona be saying my script. im gona do well!!! i'll be fine. my grp will get an A! AMEN!
gona pray to God for a peace of mind :)
the joy of the Lord is my strength. I really gotta remember and BELIEVE in that. that even when im insecure, unconfident and pessimistic abt the future or even myself, i need to remember
1. i am a Child of God, no weapon that forms against me shall prosper so long as i am doing His will
2. i am fearfully and wonderfully made
i dont deserve this. im sick of it. i mean, im a feeling human after all. im gonna shut up from now on. man!!