Sunday, 19 April 2009 @17:02
pastor ended his series on love and relationships today. his sermons centred around marriage but today, something he said struck me and i teared.
it goes something like this "let God take away all your bitterness, all your hurt that you may have experienced in past relationships (be it friendships or other forms of relationships)."
As much as i have let go, meaning stop getting angry or upset, i admit that i hv not been able to remove the deep-seeded hurt inside my heart. i have not forgotten. and yes i am still bitter just that i choose not to think about it.
things seem to end this way quite often. for me at least. after going thru so many months of uncertainty, ive realised that i should really listen to God's voice more. there was a lack of peace in my heart when it started. a peace i have now, now that that chapter of my life has closed.
somethings i found out recently reopened the wound and i started to feel quite cheated and angry. thats why when pastor told us to fight for our relationships and in this my case friendships, i teared cos i know i have long ago given up. but is it wrong Lord? is it wrong to give up when you already see no use in pursuing any friendship whatsoever. is it wrong to give up when you feel cheated by that person? must i still fight for something i'd probably be doing not cos i want to but cos God would like me to?
im not sure...
what i do know is that these days, my life is been very routine and very hectic. as i struggle to maintain a balance between being a good student and a good friend and even a good Christian, i find myself fumbling.
still i am glad. i am glad God made me realise that i made a mistake from the start when i did not listen to Him. i am suffering the consequences now. but at least i have learnt. i have learnt to look beyond superficial things like chemistry and telepathy to character and principles.
im getting to know more people i wouldnt have known if that chapter of my life didnt close. God, indeed, what You told me that certain people enter your life to teach you the ways of God (tho indirectly) indeed came true. i thank you Lord for the experience. I thank you even more Lord that it is over. I thank you Lord that I have so many other things to live for. and I thank you Lord for the courage to be able to voice all these out in this post, irregardless of what people may say :)
thank you Lord :)